The Barbie Doll Episode







She woke up early that morning. She’d spent most of the night writing her college thesis about Kurt Cobain being Christ and listening to Nirvana’s ‘Bleach’ by candlelight. She’d listened on her headphones, careful not to wake her parents.

She sat down at her dresser and looked in the mirror. Her blonde hair was tousled, her blue eyes alert. She opened her drawer and got out her medications. She counted out six Zoloft and six Xanax. She thought, “Pills are just condensed dust, they only affect me if I believe in them…and I no longer do. The doctor would say I’m being grandiose…the entire idea of me thinking I’m stronger than the pills. Whatever.” She took the pills with water.

She quickly pulled on faded jeans and a sweater and her boots. She had to get out of the house before her parents got up. She felt wonderful.

She headed downstairs and out the front door, closing it quietly behind her. She fumbled in her white fake fur bag for her cigarettes and lit the first of the day, a yellow one to celebrate the sunrise. She hopped into her green Nova and headed to the riverfront to take a walk . She had brought her nephew’s boombox so she could blare ‘Bleach’ as she drove. She didn’t have a cd player in the car. The snow on the ground looked fresh and untouched.

At the park, Emma got out of the car and carried the boombox to the far end of the pier overlooking the Detroit river. She set it on the guard rail and played ‘About a Girl’. The familiar words echoed over the still water, making her happier yet.





She walked back to the car, and drove to the Salvation Army. She loaded her cart with presents for Faith and Michael, her niece and nephew. Lots of teddy bears, books, games, and then she stopped dead as she spotted a life-size Barbie doll behind the check-out counter…and a white mink jacket. She had to have both. Emma put everything on her American Express. She didn’t bother to try on the coat in the store, and realized on the way back to the car that it was far too small. She wore it anyway and threw the rest of the things in the backseat. She lit up one of her multi-colored cigarettes, this time choosing pink to match the Barbie’s taffeta skirt, and checked her wallet. She still had lots of money. “If I really have faith, God will provide.” She rolled her window down and threw the bills out to the street, watching them toss in the breeze. She felt free.

She turned on the radio and was surprised to hear, “Hi, this is Kurt Cobain and this is Bipolar Radio.” She wondered if she was imagining it—after all he had died only a week ago, but his voice was clear as day. He went on to say he was going to play some Dexter Freeney…she laughed aloud because it was the worst music she’d ever heard and Kurt was alive again. Even though it was only about ten degrees out, she rolled the window down and blared Dexter Freeney as loud as she could, bobbing in her seat. Emma decided the next stop would be the bookstore. As she drove she asked herself, “What is the funniest, most outrageous thing I could possibly do? To liven up this morgue of a city? She pulled into the parking lot and took a look at herself in the rearview mirror. Her hair wasn’t blonde enough. She took out her travel-size Johnson’s baby powder and sprinkled it on the roots of her hair. She then applied neon pink lipstick to match her cigarette and the Barbie’s taffeta skirt. She picked up the Barbie by it’s blonde hair, and



got out of the car, ignoring the stares, thinking to herself, “you’re in for some entertainment”, walked into the bookstore, up to a reserved looking clerk, and asked in a low, clear voice, “Can you please tell me where the animal porn is? Just animals, please, not people.” The employee pushed up his glasses and kept his serious expression. “I’m sorry, Miss, we don’t carry animal porn.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Where are your wrestling magazines? And do you carry Barbie World? He led Emma to the wrestling section and indicated where Barbie World could be found.

“Thank you for all your help. Although I’m not sure it’s the help I really need,” she smiled. She perused the magazines, picking up as many wrestling magazines as she could carry, and a stack of Barbie World. She headed to the bookstore café, dragging the Barbie doll by the hand. She ordered a pot of organic Earl Grey tea for two, and some Walker’s shortbread biscuits, suddenly feeling very British. She put it all on her charge, adding a twenty dollar tip for the goggle-eyed girl behind the counter, went to a table, put the Barbie across from her in a chair of it’s own, with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits, and commenced reading Barbie World, laughing inside at the spectacle of it all.

She read for awhile, then gathered up everything and proceeded to the check-out, charging a hundred fifty dollars worth of wrestling magazines and Barbie World, thanking the clerk with a broad smile. The sleeve of Emma’s white mink coat ripped as she took her card back. The coat really was too small.







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